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MANAGING CONFLICT

1. Agree on the rules ahead of time. (No walking out of the house etc)

2. Choose a time when you both feel calm.

3. Call a time out if emotions begin to escalate. Set a time to return.

4. One person has the floor at a time.

5. Alternate the roles of speaker and listener as you each present your point of view.

Speaker
  • State how you see the problem.
  • Focus on the problem, not the person.
  • Use I-messages. I feel like I am not getting through, what can I do to change that?
Listener
  • Ask questions to clarify and further your understanding.
  • Summarize the issues as you understand them.
  • Listen and avoid judging what the speaker says.

 

6. Each person states his or her point of view.

7. When both partners have stated their points of view, come to agreement on what the problems are.

8. Brainstorm solutions.

9. State what you action each of you would be willing to take.

10. Agree on a solution that fits both of your needs.

11. Agree on an action plan.

12. Follow through and take action

Questions? Ask Bob.

 

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