FOUR SKILLS TO BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE

The following skills help break the cycle of negativity.

1. Set a 15-minute discussion limit.
Setting this boundary will keep you on track and moving to a resolution

2. Calm yourself and avoid flooding.
Flooding occurs when you are frantic. Take deep breaths.

3. Speak and listen non-defensively.
Defensiveness puts up a wall between you. Avoid the temptation
of being defensive. Build a bridge to the other person through affirmation.

4. Validate the other person.
That was a good thought. You are right about that. I am glad we are married.

It is important practice the skills until they become automatic because

Source: Gottman, John, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…And How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Fireside, 1994.

Questions? Ask Bob.