Human Sexuality

It is difficult to find a concise definition for sexuality. It seems to mean so many different things to so many different people. Human sexuality can be described as "including an evolved motivational core focused on mating for reproduction and pleasure from sexual behavior." (Zimbardo p440.) This is only a small fraction of what sexuality is all about. Human sexuality is about everything that we say and do. It is as much a part of us as a beating heart and breathing. It seems to be part of our essence.

In some ways it defines us from the other species populating the earth. The human dance of sexuality is always evolving, always changing and being redefined. Societal pressures and norms, morality, politics, and even the church have their effect on an individual's idea of sexuality.

What we wear, how we talk, what we see or look at, and the things we communicate without even talking, are all part of our sexuality. It does not necessarily relate only to sexual intercourse. It is also not limited to a person of the opposite sex. A man needs to be around other men, just as women need to be around other women. I am not speaking about them engaging in any sexual act other than the fact that because of their gender, they find comfort in being around each other. It is a necessary part of who we are to recognize this need.

When a man or woman notices another person's body shape, build or comeliness, regardless of the person's actual sex, isn't that a sexual thought? Of course it is. We are sexual beings: we notice, we compare, we think in sexual terms.

If a person thinks they can deny their sexuality or the sexuality of another person they can set themselves up for big trouble. For instance if a married man thinks he can maintain a platonic relationship with a woman he finds sexually desirable and continues in that relationship without acknowledging that she is attractive and desirable, he may easily find himself in a compromising situation. If he acknowledges to himself that he is attracted to her he will be able to cognitively make better decisions about lunches, sharing transportation, meetings etc. He will avoid temptation, and will not compromise his relational integrity with his. In the same way a woman who finds herself enjoying the attention of a co-worker or neighbor and talks herself into believing that he is just a nice guy may be overlooking the emotional connectivity and her own desire to be around him more consistently. By denying her feelings she can easily justify to herself more reasons to be around him. It is so much better to be aware of what you are feeling sexually about any given situation. Remember that recognizing a sexual thought is just recognition. Awareness is essential when it pertains to our sexuality. Awareness is prevention.

Sexuality can be confusing and sometimes the lines may get a little blurry. Our sexuality is in a state of flux many times throughout our lifetime. What we find appealing, desirable, and enjoyable at one place in our life may change at another time. Adults, as well as children, explore, experiment and discover sexuality all through their life. The ability to establish strong boundaries as individuals concerning sexuality provides a strong foundation upon which we can build our family structure.

Take a look at all the relationships you are currently involved in. Do you see any warning signs about any of these relationships? Take them one by one. Are you aware of your feelings in these relationships? Are there some boundaries that need strengthening? Do co-workers, spouses, or friends wonder what your relationship is with a certain person? Look at these now to avoid problems later. An ounce of prevention…well you know the rest!

Questions? Ask Bob